User:Gilgamesh
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| Gil Gamesh | |
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Gamesh's booking photo.
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| Born | July 4, 1776 Sherwood Forest |
| Died | not soon enough |
| Known for | cracking bad jokes |
Gil Gamesh (born July 4, 1776) is an American liar, cheat, thief, and all-around scoundrel. He is currently wanted in five states and persona non grata in the other forty-five. When not offering candy to children, he can usually be found in his van down by the river.
Early Life
Gamesh was raised by wolves, because his mama and papa didn't want him. At the age of fourteen, Gamesh left the pack due a strong urge to mate with members of his own species. Female members of the species haven't always wanted to mate with him.
In high school, he listed his life's ambition as “to commit each of the seven deadly sins.”
Gamesh is rumored to have earned a B.A. from Marquette University, but a school spokesperson said, “No, that's B.S.”
Career
Gamesh has had more jobs than Mike Rowe, most of which he lost due to drunkenness. He is now semi-retired with the proceeds of his latest bank robbery allowing him ample free time to eat, drink, and cuss to his heart's content.
Political Views
Gamesh has a strange penchant for quoting dead white guys whose names end in -on (e.g. Jeffers-on, Madis-on, Hamilt-on, Washingt-on), especially to young snowflakes clothed in Che Guevara T-shirts.
Gamesh believes you get more co-operation with a kind word and an AR-15 than with just a kind word alone.
Gamesh believes government workers are like hemorrhoids; they're both a pain in the ass and they both foul sh*t up.
Gamesh has taken up Diogenes' lamp, and he's still looking for an honest man.
Personal Life
Gamesh recently went through a bad break-up when after almost two dog-years together, his dog, Trixie, left him for the golden retriever from the other side of town. What a bitch! Trixie was last seen singing You Don't Own Me.
