You Never Can Tell (play)

You Never Can Tell
File:OlofWandFridaW1908.jpg Olof and Frida Winnerstrand on stage 1908, as Valentine and Gloria
Written by	George Bernard Shaw
Date premiered	26 November, 1899
Place premiered	Royalty Theatre, by the Stage Society
Original language	English
Subject	A dentist falls in love and a family accidentally meet the father they have never known
Genre	comedy
Setting	A seaside town

You Never Can Tell is an 1897 four-act play by George Bernard Shaw that debuted at the Royalty Theatre. It was published as part of a volume of Shaw's plays entitled Plays Pleasant. In June 2011, the play was revived at the Coliseum Theatre in Aberystwyth, Wales, where it had been performed exactly one century earlier.

Characters

• Mr. (or Dr.) Valentine, the dentist
• Gloria Clandon, the eldest daughter
• Walter, the waiter
• Dolly Clandon, twin to Philip
• Philip Clandon, twin to Dolly
• Mrs. Clandon, the mother
• Mr. Fergus Crampton, the landlord and father
• Mr. Finch McComas, a solicitor
• Bohun, a QC (Queens Counsel)

• The parlor maid
• Jo, another waiter

Plot

The play is set in a seaside town and tells the story of Mrs Clandon and her three children, Dolly, Phillip and Gloria, who have just returned to England after an eighteen-year stay in Madeira.

The children have no idea who their father is and, through a comedy of errors, end up inviting him to a family lunch. At the same time a dentist named Valentine has fallen in love with the eldest daughter, Gloria. However, Gloria considers herself a modern woman and claims to have no interest in love or marriage.

The play continues with a comedy of errors and confused identities, with the friendly and wise waiter, Walter (most commonly referred to by the characters as "William," because Dolly thinks he resembles Shakespeare), dispensing his wisdom with the titular phrase "You Never Can Tell."

Setting

Time: One Day in August 1896

Place: An English seaside resort

Act I

A dentist's office

Act II

The Terrace of The Marine Hotel

Act III

The Clandons sitting room at The Marine Hotel

Act IV

The Clandons sitting room at The Marine Hotel - Later at Night

In performance

• You Never Can Tell at the Internet Broadway Database

You Never Can Tell has also been performed at the Shaw Festival, Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario several times: in 1963, 1973, 1979, 1988, 1995, 2005 and most recently in 2015.

Audio Adaptations

The CBC broadcast a production in 1973 with Frances Hyland as Mrs. Clandon, Tony Van Bridge as Mr. Crampton, Chris Wiggins as William the Waiter, Maureen Fitzgerald as Gloria, Drew Russell as Valentine and William Osler as Mr. Bohun.

The BBC broadcast a production on 29 September 2013 directed by Martin Jarvis and starring Ian Ogilvy as William the Waiter, Jamie Bamber as Valentine, Christopher Neame as Mr. Crampton, Moira Quirk as Dolly, Adam Godley as Mr. McComas and Rosalind Ayres as Mrs Clandon.